Why Am I Here?

Seriously, what are you doing in healthcare chaplaincy as a follower of Christ?

10:58 PM. My first call-in from the ICU.

Patient was going on comfort care and several family members were present. The spouse was experiencing severe anxiety and panic about their loved one being so close to passing away.

I remember being there for two hours - the goal was to help the spouse find courage and strength to go in that room and see their spouse one last time. With enough support from their family and the nurses, they were able to sit bedside as their loved one passed - no regrets.

Outside of the room, as they sat together, one of the younger grandkids and I talked for several minutes about God and the after-life. He was by no means a Christian, but he certainly believed in a God and the after-life. He just hadn't decided on the specifics yet. But death has a way of waking up dormant thoughts and questions about spirituality and God. He mentioned at one point that being a chaplain must be very hard.

I told him it was.

"So how do you do this job? It must be tough dealing with death all the time." He asked.

I didn't respond that I am a compassionate person and love being with people, or that care-giving is my calling. There were a lot of nice things I could have said. But instead I was very honest.

I responded that if my Christian faith cannot sustain a life in the worst of tragedies and hardships, then what am I doing believing it? If it cannot offer real hope, redemption, and encouragement then the object of my faith must be weak and unworthy. What does it matter if it cannot offer lasting hope at the most critical point of our lives - the end?

I told him that in times like these, I begin to realize that the great struggle with religion in our country doesn’t come down to whether God exists; it comes down to whether God is good. These are the difficulties, tragedies, and hardships that begin to shake what we know - what is good? What is hope? If there is a God, how do I reconcile that with evil and death in the world? Is my faith actually sustainable?

I believe the Gospel offers a lasting hope in the worst of circumstances, including death itself. I suppose I am here in healthcare chaplaincy to see those claims tested in actual lives.

At the center of the Gospel is the ugly cross - a treasure in jars of clay - a gift wrapped in ugly packaging. Suffering is so central to the Christian faith - more than many of us are willing to acknowledge. It is after all the very means by which we are saved eternally. At the cross I begin to understand the awe-inspiring reality of a God who sacrifices Himself instead of us. In the cross - at once - there is a stark reality of evil, death, and horror in the world; but in the same breath, there is a proclamation of goodness, grace, and mercy.

“Steadfast love and faithfulness meet; righteousness and peace kiss each other" at the cross (Psalm 85:10).

How do I work to actively express and show this everlasting hope in the midst of extreme suffering? How can I show the superiority of the Gospel of Christ in its compassion, goodness, justice, and grace?

At these moments, I often pray like this:

"Heavenly Father, you know the suffering of this person and the anxiety and fear that weighs on them. Father, you can sympathize better than anyone, having more compassion on them than anyone else. We do not know why this is happening and neither do we know your plans, but Lord we know this, that you are no stranger to our suffering for you were willing to step off your throne to experience death and sin and all its consequences from the beginning to the end. You bore that on the cross so that we might be free from it - not for a moment but eternally through your son Christ. You experienced it on the cross so we might not experience it forever. In this we know you to be good and faithful, just and merciful. And In Jesus name we pray, amen."

In the Gospel, I find a Great Physician who does not ignore the obvious pains and consequences of a sinful world but unabashedly and soberly announces the prognosis. There is no sugarcoating the obvious of what we see and experience here on this earth. But how much more then am I confident when God presents the cure and promises salvation. In proclaiming the judgement of the world, I find a truthful Physician. In declaring the salvation for the world, I find a compassionate Physician. And for me to trust that Physician, I need both proclamations.

So I suppose that I find myself in this profession because I myself am looking for stronger assurance in my faith. I desire to see the sustainability of the Gospel in the most crucial of times - the darkest of moments. Does the Gospel speak into the experience of human suffering? Can it help us make sense of it?

If I shy away from these hard times, then I must ask myself as a minister: do I really believe the Gospel offers hope to the hopeless? Do I believe it to be sustainable when all else is lost? Nicholas, if you are going to preach it then you are going to need to be willing to engage with these situations. If you are to declare how great a light you have in Jesus, then you must be willing to walk in the darkest corners of human experience, trusting that the light will overcome the darkness.